The lust I feel for my own salty dog is a deep void that yearns for the warmth of a thousand mediocre looking women.

Nothing more.

Who am I kidding?

I can't quit. The only thing more addicting than the simulated accomplishment I get from my daily, if not hourly, self-services, is the compelling feeling to brag about it on the vast, guiltless internet. I suppose I'll be posting here for a while longer.

Retirement post

There's only so many metaphors for masturbation. Maybe I'll cum back, but I doubt it. Nuttin' left...

I think I might start a blog about my daily poops.

im out of my league

As I lay in bed half concience after a worthy weiner blow, I think to my self am I infact un able to keep up with my, what should be tri-daily posting habits. Not only has my presense been lack luster on this blog but my own personal one on one love making presense has gone out the door. It's a shame to think I haven't been beatin my meat daily not only for post sake but for my own sanity. The reader shouldn't assume each time a post is madeits the only time I have gone to war with my own pesonal desire because in my absensce,I do infact help my self out in this constant tug o war (though not as much as a healthy man should).
In an aid to calm the worried minds of fellow friends, followers(?) And blog contributors let it be known the second I finish this post (on a post) I will "post" up again.

Resorting to grode.

As I'm finishing my third session for the day, I can't help but wonder if my routine quests for my own slimy white refuse have gotten somewhat tedious. This leaves me to question whether there could be other ways to spend my treasured alone time. I'm using this post to ask the reader: What do you do in order to spice up your nutting? Perhaps scented lubrication, the practice of fucking your own mattress, or even the classic finger up the ass?

Ain't got nuttin' at all.

While my posts on this website can sometimes be sparse and infrequent, I assure you that I seldom let my abusive relationship with myself take a day off. Today is an exception. In order to obtain a fruitful tomorrow, I have decided to refrain from my daily habit today. I've come to the realization that this enjoyable, yet at times torturous, past time has taken a toll on my noodle and a brief vacation is dearly necessary. While I'm disappointed to bring to the blog a story such cowardliness, I promise it will only make a for an even more prosperous tale next time. 

http://www.youjizz.com/videos/double-dick-surprise-139405.html

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Preventive measures.

On a day like today where the sky's are covered in a grimy shade of gray and the pavement is covered in a layer of liquid disappointment, there is little to provide a barrier between me and my own thunder sword. I struggle to find any reason at all to limit the amount of onesomes I undergo. I've given myself a personal daily maximum of five services, but who knows... The day is young and rules are meant to be broken.

Treating my body like it's an amusement park

Today is the last day of my brief three break from the labor of love I like to call working at a shitty department store. Before I head back the exhausting seven to three-thirty grind, I like to give myself some "me-time" to really unwind. As you, the loyal reader, can probably guess, my favorite chapter of this peaceful solitude is the pulverization of my lower horn. Only after I have totally obliterated myself and and the line between pleasure and pain has long since been crossed am I really ready to face the oncoming day.


P.S. Welcome back Linley.

JIZZ KEG

Linley is coming back from oblivion. Linley has not fucked anyone or jerked off for quite some time now. Linley simply didnt have any urge to do either. Linley feels like morissey. All this abstinence has sent Linley into a shameless void of 3rd person omniscience. The only way for Linley to truly re-enter his being and take charge of his sex/blog life is to force out an oh so unwanted and possibly painfull nut! So unless Linley does something, he could be floating around on the outside looking in, for what could easily turn into the rest of his life. Tonight, in a matter of minutes, Linley's man worm will wriggle once again! Puking enough man worm puke to fill a fucking keg.

Linley out,

Udder Failure

I feel an overwhelming sense of shame as I post today, not only because I failed to accomplish the post-worthy story I had hoped to bring you, but also because I was beaten to the first official nut provided by an actual women in the blogs history. Seed, I will be thinking of you tonight when I'm locking my bedroom door and using my own tears to soften the blow I put upon my tiny little friend.

Bushwacking

This weekend I was able to the un-thinkable. While on a group campin trip and having 20 to many beers inside me I was able to trick a member of the opposite sex into fornicating with me. A surprising feat for me to say the least.. Now I wish I could say it ended well and everything was safe..but in my drunken state I decided it would be better to rip the condom off and raw dog it here's hoping those stains on my shirt were in fact jizz stains, or else this ladies goin to get an unexpected visit from a coat hanger soon.

Journey to the center of a girl pt. 1

Tomorrow yours truly has plans to be in the company of a specimen of the fairer sex, a rare occurrence. Perhaps this means Crabbe will be obligated to make the first post of our blog that isn't entirely self involved.  While my prior experience with the succulence that is women is not completely fargo-sounding, my loneliness driven balls and pathetic-ism of the website present a heavy determination to stuff my pal into her whatnot. I promise to conclude this post with another soon. Whether part two will be a heroic tale of beautiful, natural fucking, or a depressing yet familiar novel of a solitary night in, I can't tell yet.

Mellow Night.

Pretty tired tonight. I was kind of feeling this whore. Eventually I just got over it, didn't even finish. Can't win 'em all...

While you were sleeping...

There's no better remedy for a restless night than a quick tug before you turn out the lights. Last night I found myself awake at unmentionable hours of the morning, knowing I had to get up in only a few hours. With the sand man not doing me any favors, I looked to the hand man. After successfully tricking my penis into thinking it was fertilizing some sweet tang, I was a goner.

repeat post

same as the first post i ever made, minus the fictional tour bus. and a different fast food napkin... good night

It's all In the Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmbEuRzlhIs


As i was driving home this evening this song came on the radio. I swear its about my "willys" inability to stay home (a.k.a my pants) since we created this blog. I'd also suggest changing the Little Willy thing to Big Willy but that's a little to close to Will Smith for my liking.

Less is more.

Have you ever watched a full length porno? Neither have I. About 4 minutes of  "Sexy teen fucked hard" was all I needed this evening.

Olive Garden and the hateful post that followed

Out for dinner tonight at a classy joint, the olive garden. Now I havent had a chance to eat out in a restaurant like this in a while so needless to say I was excited. There was a wait at the door so we decided to take a seat in the lounge order an appy and have a drink (may i add that the bartender was definetly "post worthy" but thats another story) things were going good up until this point, our name got called and we got seated to our table. Our waitress came and this is were it turned sour I order my drink and it turns out she has to ID me, dumb ass me i left it in the hotel room and i wasn't bout to go back and get it so i plead with the lady about my case and to no avail. I was a little frustrated at this point, my ability to function properly at events like this relies heavily on alcohol consumption. strike one. Strike two, after proceeding not to serve me my drink she continued to act over bubbly and really fake. Like she actually cared what the fuck me and my father were up to in her shit hole town. At this point all i could think about was how bad I wanted to hate fuck the shit of her. Now we know this isn't possible because of the setting and the akwardness that would follow if I bent this sexy latino waitress over the table next to me spilling patrons minestrone, wine and unlimited breadsticks everywhere while yelling "DO YOU REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME, THEN GIVE ME MY FUCKING DRINK". So i decided to hold back for now. I returned to my hotel room and obviously ate too much, who wouldn't its the fucking olive garden. As the poop stomach rumbled it reminded me of the anger towards the waitress earlier in the night. What ensued was a very spiteful and angry whack and poo, while i played out the above scene in my head.

From the road,
Seed

P.S i ordered the Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo and it was good.

Uh oh.

Taking care of your morning wood before you head out for the day to run some errands is often a good thing. It can give you the confidence boost you truly needed, or it can put a euphoric spin on an otherwise lousy day. Sometimes though, a careless finish can leave you with nothing more than an embarrassing stain on your shirt and/or pants. The latter is the case for Crabbe today. I hope no one notices.

sick nuts bro'

So for the past day and a bit ive been sick as a dog. What should have been several posts, will instead take the form of this 'catch up' post, as I've been too sick and tired to spend any time composing literal posts for the blog. Metaphorically, however, ive been posting up a storm... Let's just say that after my 3rd or so hour on the internet persuing mundane facts and tidbits of half interestig media offerings, there isn't much left to do but choke my cycloptic worm. I also spent a great deal of time in bed over the last day or so, and there is nothing better than a struggle with one's pants viper to send a sick, restless, bedridden man straight to dreamland...

Linley,

pre-nuttal warning

It's been a long day of nothing driving home now take this as a warning I will be servicing das man snake before midnight.. That is all good night.

Seed

The post about nothing.

I was watching Seinfeld this morning. It was the episode where Elaine gets Kramer to take a photo of her for her Christmas card, but accidentally gets a nipple exposed. I realize they never show the photo, but I don't care. One thing led to another... After a quick download, here I am.

PS. My moms getting back from vacation today. I might not be able to post as frequently. I'm sure Linley and Seed will pick up the slack.

good night post

thought i'd make a post before bed... so i did.

Just Warming Up...

So I decided to "make a post" this evening, in celebration of our new blog. It was nice. I have a feeling this blog is only going to increase the amount of gun-slinging I do on a regular basis. Good news for the readers, bad news for the blisters on my donger. This blog is going to single-handedly, no pun intended, kill my penis.

Late Night Delight

few beers later i had too....

firing the skin cannon

what started as the morning email check ended with the firing of the great skin cannon in salute pornographic actresses on the internet.

Just me and the open Road

So i was taking a drive up the interstate the other day, delivering auto-parts for my boss. Bonnie Tyler came on the radio and I got a little bit lonely. I decided to take my part out and service it. Traffic was heavy, but so was my lust. I approached a red light, so i had to tuck it in, and to my dismay I pulled up next to a double decker tour bus i swear everyone of the Asian tourists were staring adding to the throbbing in my pants. The light turned green and it was go time for me and my part I had to use a Jack-in-the-box wrapper for the clean-up. Needless to say it was satisfying.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcOxhH8N3Bo&feature=avmsc2

Welcome to the blog.

We have decided to start a blog, as no more than friends, to chronicle our stories of manly self-gratification. I hope you enjoy.